Caleb’s Momma asked:


Okay I wrote my dad a letter, he lives out of state, left my mother, brother and I for another woman, and has raised her two children from a previous marraige for the last 10 years. Also moved 2,000 mls away from us. He’s done countless hurtful things over the past 10 years, some of which are too intense to even go into. I realize this is a long time coming…. he calls once every 3 months and pretends like everything is okay, when time and time again I’ve told him how much he’s hurt us, I’ve never received an ounce of acknowledgement. His wife called me a few weeks ago offering to “help with wedding plans” (I’m getting married in 4 months) So i took him up on it via email, financially speaking, considering my mother is contributing and his parents are helping, I figured maybe my dad would help… well he directly ignored all 3 of the emails I sent him regarding this. He also promised he’d come see his first grandchild immediately and Caleb is now 4 months old and my father has yet to come. I’ve always been so afraid of confronting my father (yes I know pathetic for a 25 year old)…. totally a codependent wanting to protect his feelings…. when I always wind up getting hurt. And here I am sending out my feelings FINALLY and still i’m worried about hurting him. I know it would be too hard to explain all of the details in this email but please tell me if it was well written and well spoken, without being blatantly mean. Serious answers only. And thankyou in advance. I’m really struggling emotionally with this situation, I feel liberated and at the same time very scared that I’ve hurt the bastard! Help! Thankyou.

Dear Dad,
I’m very hurt that you are choosing not to help with the wedding, & this is very apparent to me by your obvious lack of response. More than the money, the lack of acknowledgment is what hurts the most, along with all of our other issues you’ve chosen to never acknowledge.
I’ve never asked you for much of anything because I knew that I was always talking to a brick wall, & when I have, even if it was just 50 dollars for school books I was denied. Your folks could’ve contributed, or helped you contribute something. You’ve chosen all these years to support another family. I hear that Sheri is going to a private University and living on campus, info that Victoria wasn’t supposed to relinquish, must be pricey! My Mom has done it all financially as well as in every other way. I realize I am an adult but maybe seeking this help was sort of just to see what you were made of, some sort of redemption for the past, your lack of acknowledgment for your mistakes has really worn on me. I will not pretend that everything is okay anymore. How do you just ignore your child? Any response would’ve been okay, but no response is ridiculous! It makes me realize how little you are willing to invest in the rehabilitation of our relationship, no acknowledgement makes that very clear. You haven’t made much of an attempt to come see your first grandchild, whatever your excuses are, all of them are unacceptable. If Caleb ever had a child, I wouldn’t care if my job was at stake. I would make damn sure I was on the first plane I could find to see him/her and connect. You claim Jamie won’t give you the time of day. His reasons are very apparent to me. You’ve not been out to see your children in 5 years, and you wonder why they have issue with you? It’s all us in your mind, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s mind boggling to me that you can’t understand it. You should’ve done everything in your power to make it right with him, even if it meant getting on a plane immediately to do it. Whatever your excuses are you are the parent, we are adults but you have always been the parent, and it’s been your responsibility to keep connected and in touch with us considering you were the one that moved away from us! I don’t believe that you pray for me everyday, if that’s the case how is it that you only pick up the phone once every 3 months? Your mushy, gushy behavior when you do call doesn’t cut the cake anymore, you don’t call me but once every three months and then act like Father of the year…… You haven’t played the part for a very long time. I won’t pretend anymore, it’s not healthy for me to continue a relationship with you at this point. Live your life in denial for as long as you need to but I refuse to be an enabler. You want to “walk me down the aisle, and give me away”…. but I am not yours to give away, considering you have not contributed physically (not being in the same state even), emotionally or financially to my wellness. I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings, but you’ve never made an effort to protect my feelings, at this point I don’t want you at my wedding. When/if you ever decide to be different maybe it would be open for discussion, till then,….

The end says….
I don’t expect a response. I know I probably won’t get one & that’s fine because I did this for myself. I’m liberating myself from an unhealthy relationship that is toxic to my life, I’m sorry it can’t be different. You can’t just be a Father when it’s convenient for you, and this has become very inconvenient for me, so I’m done.
Love you and always hope the best for you.